Honouring Parents: A Qur’anic Mandate for Today’s Families

Introduction

The United Nations has designated 1^st of June as the Global Day of Parents, recognising the essential role of parents in raising, nurturing, educating, and sustaining the social fabric of societies. Yet, long before this international recognition, Islam, over 1,400 years ago, had already established a profound framework emphasising the respect, care, and compassion owed to parents. The Qur’an makes it unequivocally clear that neglecting the well-being of parents threatens not just the family structure but the very stability of the wider community. If families collapse, societal institutions inevitably falter.

Verses 23 and 24 of Surah Al-Isra’ (Chapter 17) in Holy Quran encapsulate the pivotal place of parents within Islamic teaching. These verses command believers to show unwavering kindness and humility towards their parents, especially in old age when they may become more vulnerable. The message is not merely an ethical instruction but a divine imperative that connects spiritual well-being with familial and social responsibility. In today’s world, especially for Muslim communities in the West navigating complex cultural dynamics, the Qur’an’s guidance offers a timeless compass for nurturing stronger families and healthier societies:

وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا ﴿٢٣﴾ وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا ﴿٢٤﴾

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you show kindness to parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, do not say to them even ‘uff’, nor rebuke them, but speak to them a noble word.

And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy, and say, ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small.’” (Al-Isra/17:23-24)

A Timeless Message for Modern Society

These sacred verses of the Qur’an are not limited to a bygone era. In a world grappling with the erosion of family bonds, rising individualism, and generational divides, the Qur’an’s message of filial piety is more relevant than ever. It speaks directly to Muslims living in diverse, often secular societies where respect for elders can be undermined. Approaching the Qur’an with an open heart and striving to embody its luminous guidance fosters not just personal growth but communal resilience. This message is vital for children, parents, religious leaders, and society at large, offering a blueprint for healing fractured relationships and creating compassionate communities.

Educational Messages from the Verses for Youth:

Message 1: Make Kindness to Parents Your First Priority

Allah SWT commands us to show kindness to our parents immediately after affirming His exclusive worship (وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا). This elevates the act of filial care to a divine duty, not merely a social expectation. This command reminds us that serving and respecting our parents brings us closer to Allah’s pleasure and mercy.

• Challenge: Each day, reflect on one act of kindness you can do for your parents, regardless of their mood or your busy schedule.

Message 2: Pray for Your Parents Every Day

The Qur’an instructs us to pray for our parents (وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا). This fosters gratitude and spiritual connection.

• Challenge: Write a short personal prayer for your parents and include it in your daily supplications.

Message 3: Remember Your Parents’ Sacrifices to Stay Humble

Remember the sacrifices your parents made for your upbringing (وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ). Reflecting on their efforts nurtures empathy and patience. This awareness can soften hearts and foster a deeper sense of responsibility in caring for them.

• Challenge: Write down three specific memories of your parents’ support and remind yourself of them whenever tensions arise.

Message 4: Speak Respectfully, Even When It’s Hard

Even if you feel your parents are unfair or unkind, you are commanded to maintain respectful speech (فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا). As young people, it’s easy to feel frustrated with your parents’ rules and expectations. However, with time, many come to realise the wisdom behind those instructions. Speaking with kindness and patience helps preserve your relationship with them and leaves space for understanding to grow.

• Challenge: Practise responding calmly and politely in challenging conversations with your parents.

Educational Messages from the Verses for Parents

Message 5: Show Respect to Your Own Parents

Parents, too, are bound by this verse’s spirit. Uphold respect for your own parents, whether living or deceased. Your example sets the tone for your children’s behaviour.

• Challenge: Share a story of your parents’ virtues with your children and reflect on how you emulate them.

Message 6: Teach Your Children to Respect You

Do not tolerate disrespect from your children, as it harms them spiritually and emotionally. Teaching respect for parents is an investment in their future character. Research shows that children who grow up in homes where respectful boundaries are maintained exhibit stronger emotional regulation and empathy as adults. Studies in developmental psychology have also found that clear parental expectations correlate with reduced behavioural issues and higher academic achievement. By modelling and expecting respectful communication, you help build resilience and social competence in your children.

• Challenge: Establish clear expectations for respectful communication in your household.

Message 7: Continue Acts of Kindness for Deceased Parents

Acts of kindness towards deceased parents, such as prayer and fulfilling their commitments, keep their legacy alive.

• Challenge: Recite Qur’an or offer charity in memory of your parents regularly.

Educational Messages from the Verses for Religious Leaders

Message 8: Explain What Ihsan to Parents Looks Like

Explain the diverse forms of kindness towards parents – from financial support to emotional care – and the theological weight of ihsān. Ihsān encompasses acts such as patiently listening to their concerns, speaking to them gently, assisting with daily tasks, advocating for their needs, and maintaining their dignity in public and private settings. It also includes forgiving their shortcomings, making du‘ā’ (prayers) for their wellbeing, and honouring their legacy by upholding family values. Research indicates that when parents receive holistic care – emotional, physical, and spiritual – their mental and physical health improves, fostering a loving and balanced family environment.

• Challenge: In your next sermon or counselling session, identify and share with your congregation at least three diverse examples of ihsān towards parents – covering emotional, practical, and spiritual care – and encourage families to actively practise one new form this week. Afterwards, gather feedback on how these actions have impacted their family relationships and wellbeing.

Message 9: Teach the Power of Kind and Gentle Words

Emphasise the power of speech. Teach your congregations how words can honour or harm, especially with family (وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا).

• Challenge: Host a workshop on respectful family communication in your mosque.

Message 10: Encourage and Teach the Importance of Gratitude

Highlight the Qur’an’s emphasis on the importance and necessity of gratitude as a core value in faith, reminding that gratitude strengthens our relationship with Allah SWT and nurtures family bonds. Scientific studies link regular practices of gratitude with improved mental health, increased empathy, and stronger social connections. Encourage the community to integrate daily expressions of gratitude – such as saying “thank you,” making du‘ā’ for parents, and recalling their efforts – in their family routines.

Challenge: Invite your congregation to participate in a “Gratitude Week,” where they intentionally express gratitude to their parents each day in diverse ways, then share reflections during community gatherings or online forums to inspire collective spiritual growth.